So, I had a friend text me this morning that she was pregnant. As much as I am excited for her.... I am honestly not. She was stating how she wasn't trying and was really pissed off at first. I don't understand why god gives people babies that don't even want them. Why is it that I have to try so freaking hard to have a kid. I have prayed and prayed about having a child. I don't get it. I know everything happens for a reason, however it just makes me angry and even questions my faith. It makes me even more angry that people who are 16 have babies left a right. Women who don't even want them! It makes me want to punch those mothers in the face.
Every time someone has a baby, or is pregnant that I know, I lie to them telling them I am happy for them. Deep down inside I am just jealous and angry. I hate that I feel this way. I hate that I cannot get pregnant. Why me? Why can I not be blessed with ONE baby.
Today is just one of those days. I am pissed of and sad at the same time. What do I do? How do I not feel this way? Why am I so sad over it all?
I don't think I will be truly happy for anyone that is pregnant, until I have my own baby. Oh my goodness that will be the day. That baby does not even know what is coming! :D
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