Christmas Eve, Tomorrow?

Where has this year gone? I am so amazed of how time really does fly. I cannot even believe that Christmas Eve is tomorrow. I can't help but think about growing up and the memories we had on the night before Christmas. I don't really remember books being read to me about the "Night Before Christmas", however I remember putting out the cookies with my siblings and us all sleeping in the same room. I remember being so UNBELIEVABLY excited and hoping that time would just flyyyy by so we could all wake up. I remember running upstairs to our living room, and waiting for my parents to get their coffee. I swear them getting that damn coffee took a billion years. I will never forget my parents faces when they were watching us open our gifts. Them sitting there, smiling while sipping their coffee. I remember them always getting everything we wanted. We never really asked out of the ordinary because we knew our parents weren't made of $$. 

As I get older, I really can't be more appreciative of my parents. They really worked their asses off to provide for us kids. I don't even have kids yet, so I don't know the exact feeling of appreciation; however, I know that they really loved us. They gave us everything they could. I seriously am so happy that they raised me. I couldn't of picked better parents. :D 

Another thing that really gets me thinking, is my grandparents. I miss them every single day, but for some reason, Christmas is a lot harder. I remember going to my Grandpa and Grandma Christensens and worried to wear my new clothes that I got for Christmas, because they would make it smell like ciggarette smoke. Is it weird that I miss that smell now? ;D As I sit here and think about it, my Grandpa Christensen had the same sipping coffee smile, my parents do now. Oh, how I will never get that simple, beautiful image out of my mind. 

This Christmas is such a special Christmas. Why you ask? Because we are experiencing it. We are so lucky to have everything around us. Please, hug your family a little tighter and a little longer this year. You never really know when they will be gone. Cherish every-single-moment you have with them. 

9 Days Till Christmas......

and I haven't purchased a damn thing! Why, you ask? Because Justin and I decided to NOT do Christmas this year. We have our Christmas tree up and decorations, galore; however, we are not buying anything for anyone. Don't you wish that is how Christmas should be? Why is it just this time of year, people give. Shouldn't people do it 365 days a year. I think it is ridiculous, what craze Christmas does to people. It is insane how people act and stating they have to do this, and have to do that. No, they don't. Christmas is about Jesus. It is about so much more, than buying stupid crap for people. 

This year, my Christmas present will be the 'Presence' of family. Being with them is all I need. I feel like that is how everyone should be. 

Merry Christmas everyone. Don't get too damn crazy out there! ;D

Our New Baby--Diezel Ruiz

We have a new addition to our little family. Meet, Diezel Ruiz.

We have been looking for a puppy lately, for Baylee to have a little sibling. We saw this Boxer on KSL.com and fell in love. We decided to take a little drive all the way out to Tooele to get him. My goodness was he to die for. We literally talked about it for a minute and told the owner we wanted him.

Once we got him home, Baylee and him did NOT get along at all. Baylee would bark at him and nip at him constantly. We were scared that they wouldn’t ever get along. The next day, after much needed sleep, they both got along fine. Every once in a while, they bicker; however, they cuddle constantly.

He was born 08/11/2010 so he is about 18 weeks. He is a Brindle Boxer and is full of puppy energy. He is THEEEEE best puppy ever. He has only had a few accidents; however, he listens very well. He already responds to his name and knows how to sit.

We are so very excited. Our family is complete.

Justin+Joleen+Baylee+Diezel=Love ;D

Love=Us

It has been some time....

I am still alive. Barely breathing, but still alive. I really hate everything right now. We have recently moved; however our landlord is a wiener. I can't take the money situation. Without Justin having a job, has really made my life a living hell. The only thing that is really keeping me going is Justin being my rock, and Baylee being there to snuggle with me.

I miss freedom. I miss being able to go shopping. I really hate how not having money really takes over your life. There is a certain point where you don't have money to do things you want. But when you don't have money to pay your bills? Ugh....

Hopefully my next post is more happy. :(

My Sister Shawndra

I would like to take a minute to tell my sister HAPPY BIRTHDAY. She is such an amazing person, and I really love her so much. When I was younger we shared a room with eachother. She really is my second mom. She was constantly taking care of me. When I was younger she would call me Beena. I loved that name and eventually was called it by everyone. 

She is such a awesome mother. She has 4 children of her own, and 3 step children. She really is all about putting those kids first. She is constantly making sure that they are completly taken care of and okay. She deserves the world and I wish she knew this. 

Anyways, Happy Birthday, Jane. I love you and hope your day is soooo amazing. Please treat yourself to something that YOU want to do.

Photos For 31 Days

So, I read on another blog of taking a photo of something each day, and posting it. You have to do this for 31 days! :D So here is my first photo.........

I decided to take a photo of my desk at work. I did this because this is where I spend 8 hours a day, 40 hours a week at. I love my desk... it is my "safe zone". I love being able to listen to music while getting my work done. I also sit next to two pretty awesome people. Brianna who is my lead... and Brit who is my bestie. I love my job and I love going to work everyday! :D There you go! Here is Day 1!

Can I tell you that I am NOT a fan of Mondays. :(

I hate them so much. I hate getting up in the morning after a weekend full of sleeping in. Waking up when you want to with your husband holding you. Instead you wake up to an annoying ass alarm. You keep thinking in you head that maybe if you close your eyes and open them again, it will be Saturday. 

Ugh. Eff you Monday. I hate you soooo much! ;D

Money Honey....$$

Why is money so important. I wish it never existed. I wish we all got paid the same amount so we are all equal. I hate how it is needed to do anything in life.
Right now my husband and I are “okay” with our money. I hate that I get scared when we have to resort to turning in our change jar for some extra cash. Why is it that I feel safe when I have money. Why does it mean so much to people?
It is also crazy that money has so much effect on people that it leads to divorce. I can totally understand why it has this affect on people. Justin and I have argued about money… just like any other couple. It is harsh. You start blaming each other and it gets ugly. I am just thankful that him and I have a good communication bond that we are able to talk things out. I am happy that we can always resolve our issues.


I just hope one day I don’t have to stress about money. Be able to just carry on in life without worrying about bills.


I am sureeee glad I am in school. At least I am heading in the right direction. :D

Baby Bugged!

So, I had a friend text me this morning that she was pregnant. As much as I am excited for her.... I am honestly not. She was stating how she wasn't trying and was really pissed off at first. I don't understand why god gives people babies that don't even want them. Why is it that I have to try so freaking hard to have a kid. I have prayed and prayed about having a child. I don't get it. I know everything happens for a reason, however it just makes me angry and even questions my faith. It makes me even more angry that people who are 16 have babies left a right. Women who don't even want them! It makes me want to punch those mothers in the face.

Every time someone has a baby, or is pregnant that I know, I lie to them telling them I am happy for them. Deep down inside I am just jealous and angry. I hate that I feel this way. I hate that I cannot get pregnant. Why me? Why can I not be blessed with ONE baby.

Today is just one of those days. I am pissed of and sad at the same time. What do I do? How do I not feel this way? Why am I so sad over it all? 

I don't think I will be truly happy for anyone that is pregnant, until I have my own baby. Oh my goodness that will be the day. That baby does not even know what is coming! :D

School, Love, Life.

Wow, I told myself that I would be posting more often, however my life is just so exciting that I don't have time to write anything!

Right now, my life is fully consisting of waking up, going to work, coming home, doing school, going to bed, and then I start all over again the next day. I feel like everything is going by way too fast and I cannot get a grasp on anything.

Recently it was our 1 year marriage anniversary. OH my gosh was it amazing. My amazing husband had this whole entire thing planned out. On Sunday morning which was the 18th, he gave me his phone and it said that we had a reservation at Hotel Park City. We headed on up to Park City and we were sent to our room. Holy shizzzzz. This room was emasculate It had a huge living room, huge bedroom, kitchen, washer & dryer, a ginormous bathroom with a rainfall shower and jetted tub. The best thing of all was the personal hot tub on the deck that looked over a lake. I cannot express to you how amazing it was. Than Justin put in our wedding CD with the song we danced to playing. I just started crying. He really knows how to make things perfect.

I am so in love with him. I always ask myself why I was so lucky. I am sure he asks himself the same thing. He is just a good person, inside and out. .

On another note, school is going well. I am learning so much. Everyday is a challenge and that is the way I like it. It makes me feel like I have some sort of purpose. I really enjoy learning and cannot wait to graduate and get my life started. :D

Well that is really it for now. Will post more soon!

The Second Night We Hung Out! :D

Crazy how time flies, but this is the second time Justin and I hung out! :D So cute huh?! 

My Valentine

Because it was Valentine's day, I wanted to do a little tribute to MY valentine. :D

My lovely Valentine, is Justin Wayne Ruiz. 

He is 6'6, Brown hair, blue/grey eyes. 

Things that make him perfect in my eyes: 

His laugh. It is my favorite when he is watching T.V, and I can hear it in the other room. 

When he smiles at me. 

The way he loves his mother. 

The way he loves his family. 

His constant nag to get me to not gossip. 

When he cleans the house. 

When he does laundry. 

They way he acts with our puppy, Baylee. ( it is adorable) 

When he kisses me goodnight. It is never enough, I always want more. 

When he holds me until I fall asleep, and kisses my shoulder before he lets go. 

When he texts me every morning to tell me to have a good day. 

When he texts me in general. 

The butterfiles he gives me. 

When he calls me for no reason, just to say hello. 

That he has to have a "crotch" pillow, and a fan to sleep. 

The way he smells after he showers. 

The way he smells when he gets home from work. 

He is constantly looking out for me, making sure I am okay. 

Him being protective of me. 

The shows he watches. 

The way he holds my hand. 

Oh, I could go on and on. He is such an amazing person and I feel as if people should feel lucky to know him. 

:D I love you baby! Forever, and always! :D 

Updates galore.

I told my self at the beginning of the year that I would post at least once a week. Do you see how well that happened? I was thinking to myself the other day " I need to get on and post something"....But the more I thought about it..... I had nothing to blog about.

I was talking to my friends and work, thinking how boring my life is. Saying that "nothing exciting never happens". But, recently I have come to realize that EVERYDAY is exciting. Everyday is a gift.

I have to really sit back and realize how many blessings I have. Every day I wake up to a beautiful life, breathing. I really need to take a step back and realize how much god has given to me.

Recently, I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with PCOS.Which is poly cystic ovary syndrome. I cannot tell you how bad I hate this disease. First when he told me I had it, I cried. Why? Because it is very, very hard to have kids with this disease. What is does is lowers your estrogen levels which makes it very hard to be fertile. Yeah, I was very angry. At first I was thinking to myself, "what would I do with myself if I couldn't have children". Oh goodness, that made me even more angry. Let's just put it this way... I was put here on earth, to find my husband and make beautiful children. TO make a beautiful family. I cannot think or imagine what my life would be with out children!

Well, the doctor gave me this prescription that is supposed to increase my estrogen levels, and make me fertile. It has been one month since I have been on it, and Justin and I have decided to "try" and have kids. We have actually been trying for quite sometime now, but because of this stupid disease..... Ugh.

So, wish me luck. Once I am able to see my child in my arms, I will be thankful for this disease. Only because it made me stronger. But for now... I still hate it.

It also gives me horrible pains. From what I was told, cysts form on every girls ovaries, however they are small. Cysts are formed on my ovaries, and they grow really big, until they burst. Holy Jesus... they hurt.

Anyways, to sum up my blog today, I may sound a little negative. But, I really hope things start happening soon for me and Justin. I want to be able to have a beautiful baby to blog about. I cannot wait to become a mother! :D And I am pretty sure Justin cannot wait to become a father.

Until then, we have Baylee bug. Ohhhh how I love her! :D