It has been some time....

I am still alive. Barely breathing, but still alive. I really hate everything right now. We have recently moved; however our landlord is a wiener. I can't take the money situation. Without Justin having a job, has really made my life a living hell. The only thing that is really keeping me going is Justin being my rock, and Baylee being there to snuggle with me.

I miss freedom. I miss being able to go shopping. I really hate how not having money really takes over your life. There is a certain point where you don't have money to do things you want. But when you don't have money to pay your bills? Ugh....

Hopefully my next post is more happy. :(

My Sister Shawndra

I would like to take a minute to tell my sister HAPPY BIRTHDAY. She is such an amazing person, and I really love her so much. When I was younger we shared a room with eachother. She really is my second mom. She was constantly taking care of me. When I was younger she would call me Beena. I loved that name and eventually was called it by everyone. 

She is such a awesome mother. She has 4 children of her own, and 3 step children. She really is all about putting those kids first. She is constantly making sure that they are completly taken care of and okay. She deserves the world and I wish she knew this. 

Anyways, Happy Birthday, Jane. I love you and hope your day is soooo amazing. Please treat yourself to something that YOU want to do.

Photos For 31 Days

So, I read on another blog of taking a photo of something each day, and posting it. You have to do this for 31 days! :D So here is my first photo.........

I decided to take a photo of my desk at work. I did this because this is where I spend 8 hours a day, 40 hours a week at. I love my desk... it is my "safe zone". I love being able to listen to music while getting my work done. I also sit next to two pretty awesome people. Brianna who is my lead... and Brit who is my bestie. I love my job and I love going to work everyday! :D There you go! Here is Day 1!

Can I tell you that I am NOT a fan of Mondays. :(

I hate them so much. I hate getting up in the morning after a weekend full of sleeping in. Waking up when you want to with your husband holding you. Instead you wake up to an annoying ass alarm. You keep thinking in you head that maybe if you close your eyes and open them again, it will be Saturday. 

Ugh. Eff you Monday. I hate you soooo much! ;D

Money Honey....$$

Why is money so important. I wish it never existed. I wish we all got paid the same amount so we are all equal. I hate how it is needed to do anything in life.
Right now my husband and I are “okay” with our money. I hate that I get scared when we have to resort to turning in our change jar for some extra cash. Why is it that I feel safe when I have money. Why does it mean so much to people?
It is also crazy that money has so much effect on people that it leads to divorce. I can totally understand why it has this affect on people. Justin and I have argued about money… just like any other couple. It is harsh. You start blaming each other and it gets ugly. I am just thankful that him and I have a good communication bond that we are able to talk things out. I am happy that we can always resolve our issues.


I just hope one day I don’t have to stress about money. Be able to just carry on in life without worrying about bills.


I am sureeee glad I am in school. At least I am heading in the right direction. :D

Baby Bugged!

So, I had a friend text me this morning that she was pregnant. As much as I am excited for her.... I am honestly not. She was stating how she wasn't trying and was really pissed off at first. I don't understand why god gives people babies that don't even want them. Why is it that I have to try so freaking hard to have a kid. I have prayed and prayed about having a child. I don't get it. I know everything happens for a reason, however it just makes me angry and even questions my faith. It makes me even more angry that people who are 16 have babies left a right. Women who don't even want them! It makes me want to punch those mothers in the face.

Every time someone has a baby, or is pregnant that I know, I lie to them telling them I am happy for them. Deep down inside I am just jealous and angry. I hate that I feel this way. I hate that I cannot get pregnant. Why me? Why can I not be blessed with ONE baby.

Today is just one of those days. I am pissed of and sad at the same time. What do I do? How do I not feel this way? Why am I so sad over it all? 

I don't think I will be truly happy for anyone that is pregnant, until I have my own baby. Oh my goodness that will be the day. That baby does not even know what is coming! :D

School, Love, Life.

Wow, I told myself that I would be posting more often, however my life is just so exciting that I don't have time to write anything!

Right now, my life is fully consisting of waking up, going to work, coming home, doing school, going to bed, and then I start all over again the next day. I feel like everything is going by way too fast and I cannot get a grasp on anything.

Recently it was our 1 year marriage anniversary. OH my gosh was it amazing. My amazing husband had this whole entire thing planned out. On Sunday morning which was the 18th, he gave me his phone and it said that we had a reservation at Hotel Park City. We headed on up to Park City and we were sent to our room. Holy shizzzzz. This room was emasculate It had a huge living room, huge bedroom, kitchen, washer & dryer, a ginormous bathroom with a rainfall shower and jetted tub. The best thing of all was the personal hot tub on the deck that looked over a lake. I cannot express to you how amazing it was. Than Justin put in our wedding CD with the song we danced to playing. I just started crying. He really knows how to make things perfect.

I am so in love with him. I always ask myself why I was so lucky. I am sure he asks himself the same thing. He is just a good person, inside and out. .

On another note, school is going well. I am learning so much. Everyday is a challenge and that is the way I like it. It makes me feel like I have some sort of purpose. I really enjoy learning and cannot wait to graduate and get my life started. :D

Well that is really it for now. Will post more soon!