20 Weeks Pregnant

How far along? 20 Weeks! 
Maternity clothes? Ugh... Even the thought of them makes me panic. I haven't bought actual maternity clothes, but I am having to adjust big time to the change in my abdomen. It is getting bigger and is giving me bad anxiety. I hate the feeling of growing and growing. I have to keep thinking about my lil' prize inside. :) :) 
Best moment this week: Feeling my baby girl kick. I love feeling her move. She seriously is nuts. She is all over the place, especially when I am laying down to sleep. Justin hasn't been able to feel her yet, but SOON. ;) 
Not so good moment of the week: Me being super emotional about my appearance. I hate looking ini the mirror. I hate going out in public. I hate the feeling that I get walking through the office. I feel like everyone is staring at me... It is awful. 
Miss Anything? I can tell you what I DON'T miss... being super sick. I was soooo sick up until a few weeks ago. This girl is sucking the life out of me. Everything would make me sick. Smells, things I saw, walking, showering, sleeping, breathing... hahah. I was very very sick. 
Movement: SO much movement. She is all over the place. I love feeling her wiggle her little body around. 
Food Cravings: Snow cones. I have wanted one for a while, but haven't stopped. 
Anything making you queasy or sick:  Still the smell of popcorn in my office. Ughhhh. And anything garlic. BLEH!! 
Symptoms: Achy back. Can't sleep. Feeling ugly.. you know, the usual. 
Emotions: Ugh... I cry about everything. It is stupid. I might even cry right now... ;0) 

WOW! Long time, no post.

I really need to start posting more since of our addition we will be welcoming in October! That is right, we are PREGNANT! We found out in March that we are expecting. It was such a crazy surprise, but all of this is SO worth it.
I was feeling a little sick right around the time I found out. I kept thinking I was allergic to dairy. Everything I was eating was making me sick. I would eat and then immediately feel ill. Well, it didn't click in my head until a week later that I hadn't started my period for a while. I finally told Justin that we needed to buy a test. His exact words were "I am not wasting money on a test when it is just going to come out negative". Well, because I win everything, he went out and bought a few tests. I immediately went and did my thang on it. It was instant positive. I was shaking so bad. I ran to Justin and he said " whaaaaat"... but in a very scared voice. He then told me to take another one. So I did... and POSITIVE. Took another one the next morning and... POSITIVE. It hadn't really hit me yet, but I was so scared for some reason. I kept thinking that me being excited would jynx it and it be taken away from me. It was all happening so fast.
The next day we had to tell our parents. We first went to Justin's parents house and handed them a card that said "Congrats".. The inside said simply "you are going to be grandparents". They were ecstatic. They were so excited and were so happy for us. We then told Justin's Gram that she was going to be great grandma. She was so excited. Lastly, we told my parents. They already knew for some reason. They could tell it on my face... probably because they know me so well.
Well, now I am 20 weeks pregnant. From now on, I am going to be answering questions about my pregnancy on a weekly basis. I want to be able to keep track of what I am feeling and going through. I have already missed half my pregnancy and I am Soooo sad that I wasn't on top of it. So far we have been to a few appointments. Even the 'BIG' appointment. And it's a..................

GIRL!!!

We are so stoked. We already have her name picked out. Her name will be Raedyn Joyce. She is going to be a doll.

Here is a start to my pregnancy questions... :)

I haven't posted in a while so....

to make up for it, I decided to take on this challenge. Each day you are supposed to complete what is listed for that day; however, I wouldn't be dedicated enough to do so. SO, I have decided to do it in ONE post. Yes, thats right... ONE. So, here are the daily duties: 

Day 01 - A picture of yourself with fifteen facts.

Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been close with for the longest.

Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show.

Day 04 - A picture of your night.

Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory.

Day 06 - A picture of a person you’d love to trade places with for a day.

Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item.

Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh.

Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.

Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most messed up things with.

Day 11 - A picture of something you hate.

Day 12 - A picture of something you love.

Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist.

Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.

Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die.

Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you.

Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.

Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity.

Day 19 - A picture of you when you were little.

Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you’d love to travel.

Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget.

Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at.

Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book.

Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change.

Day 25 - A picture of your day.

Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you.

Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member.

Day 28 - A picture of something you’re afraid of.

Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile.

Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss.

Lets get started: 

Day One: A picture of yourself with fifteen facts.

1. I am afraid of death. I have been since I was little and have extreme anxiety about it. 

2. I love sweats with socks. The feeling is amazing! I can't describe it. 

3. I am absolutely obsessed with my dog, Baylee. She is perfect and I can't find ONE thing wrong with her. 

4. My phone is probably my most favorite thing everrr. 

5. I can't picture myself skinny and I don't want to. I love that I am a bigger girl and wouldn't change it for anyone. 

6. I love underwear. 

7. Cherry coke is like a little slice of heaven in my book. Probably could NOT live with out it. 

8. I complain about school; however, I absolutely love going and love the challenge. 

9. I am never absolutely content with things and I hate that I am that way. 

10. I believe god put me here on earth to reproduce and I would absolutely die if I were ever to be told I cannot have kids. :(

11. At any time, if I hear Justin laugh, it automatically makes me smile. It is the cutest thing ever. :D 

12. I have horrible anxiety about everything. It drives me bonkers and I automatically think that people think I am crazy when I have panic attacks. 

13. I count numbers. I love any when I add numbers together and they equal something with a three in it. If there isn't a three, I add something again to try and get it to. ;D 

14. Music makes me complete. I love putting my buds in and just drifting off in the space of music. ;D 

15. I wish my house was more organized. I hate that everything isn't exactly the way that I want it to be. 

Day 2:- A picture of you and the person you have been close with for the longest.

Automatically I think of Angel. I have known her since she was two weeks old. It started when my mom started to baby sit her. She lived next door to me and we were inseparable and were constantly together. We have somewhat drifted apart since we have become older, but not matter what, she is my best friend forever. I love her more than words can express. 

Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show.

ABSOLUTELY, Dexter! Who could not love this show? It is my all time fav and cannot express how amazing it is. Michael C. Hall is genius. 

Day 04 - A picture of your night.

Nothing really to show as all I am doing is sitting here completing this.... I would be taking a picture of this screen. :D 

Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory.

I remember this day like it was yesterday. Justin had called me and asked if I wanted to go for a drive up the canyon with him. I replied... "Well of course". He came and picked me up and we drove up Butterfield. This is the same place where he proposed to me. For this pic, he had pulled off the side of the road. He came and opened my door, and I decided to snap a pic of our kiss. :D I love it. 

Day 06 - A picture of a person you’d love to trade places with for a day

PINK!!!

For a couple reasons. One, she is rich and I would love the feeling of doing whatever I want, whenever I want. Second, she is effing HOT. Everything about her is gorgeous. Third, she is preggers. I would to be pregnant, and with Carey Harts baby! Can you imagine how cute that BB is going to be? OMG! 

Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item.

MY IPHONE!!! I can't live w/out it. I love ever inch of it. 

Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh.

I am kind of a crazy ass. I always am doing something to make people laugh. My mom gave me some stickers from crap mail that she got and I stuck them to my face. I don't know why it was so funny, but everyone there was laughing pretty hard. 

Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.

It makes me ill to say this, but I don't have a picture of him. Maybe it is because I have his image in my head. My Grandpa Parley. He passed away a few years back. I wasn't very close to him at all when he was alive, but I have had some pretty crazy dreams about him. Very VIVID dreams where him and I just sit and talk about everything. When I am going through tough times, I like to go to his graveside and just think about him. Once I got my palm read and she told me that he was my guardian angel. I know that he is. I know he is always with me. He is such an amazing person and love him so much. 

Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most messed up things with.

My sister, Shawndra. We always find something absolutely crazy to do. I love her to pieces. She is seriously, HILARIOUS. I can't get enough of her. 

Day 11 - A picture of something you hate.

Cherry Pie & Country Gravy. NO, not together, just in general. I have no clue how people eat this shizzz. Two of the WORST foods ever. To even think that people put this in their mouth, literally makes me gag. 

YUCKY!

Day 12 - A picture of something you love.

This man right here. I love him. He is truly the only thing I actually have a strong LOVE connection with. He is the definition of love in my book. I would be incomplete with out him. :D 

Look at him, what is not to love? 

I am going to have to finish later. This list is WAY too long! ;D 

Christmas Eve, Tomorrow?

Where has this year gone? I am so amazed of how time really does fly. I cannot even believe that Christmas Eve is tomorrow. I can't help but think about growing up and the memories we had on the night before Christmas. I don't really remember books being read to me about the "Night Before Christmas", however I remember putting out the cookies with my siblings and us all sleeping in the same room. I remember being so UNBELIEVABLY excited and hoping that time would just flyyyy by so we could all wake up. I remember running upstairs to our living room, and waiting for my parents to get their coffee. I swear them getting that damn coffee took a billion years. I will never forget my parents faces when they were watching us open our gifts. Them sitting there, smiling while sipping their coffee. I remember them always getting everything we wanted. We never really asked out of the ordinary because we knew our parents weren't made of $$. 

As I get older, I really can't be more appreciative of my parents. They really worked their asses off to provide for us kids. I don't even have kids yet, so I don't know the exact feeling of appreciation; however, I know that they really loved us. They gave us everything they could. I seriously am so happy that they raised me. I couldn't of picked better parents. :D 

Another thing that really gets me thinking, is my grandparents. I miss them every single day, but for some reason, Christmas is a lot harder. I remember going to my Grandpa and Grandma Christensens and worried to wear my new clothes that I got for Christmas, because they would make it smell like ciggarette smoke. Is it weird that I miss that smell now? ;D As I sit here and think about it, my Grandpa Christensen had the same sipping coffee smile, my parents do now. Oh, how I will never get that simple, beautiful image out of my mind. 

This Christmas is such a special Christmas. Why you ask? Because we are experiencing it. We are so lucky to have everything around us. Please, hug your family a little tighter and a little longer this year. You never really know when they will be gone. Cherish every-single-moment you have with them. 

9 Days Till Christmas......

and I haven't purchased a damn thing! Why, you ask? Because Justin and I decided to NOT do Christmas this year. We have our Christmas tree up and decorations, galore; however, we are not buying anything for anyone. Don't you wish that is how Christmas should be? Why is it just this time of year, people give. Shouldn't people do it 365 days a year. I think it is ridiculous, what craze Christmas does to people. It is insane how people act and stating they have to do this, and have to do that. No, they don't. Christmas is about Jesus. It is about so much more, than buying stupid crap for people. 

This year, my Christmas present will be the 'Presence' of family. Being with them is all I need. I feel like that is how everyone should be. 

Merry Christmas everyone. Don't get too damn crazy out there! ;D

Our New Baby--Diezel Ruiz

We have a new addition to our little family. Meet, Diezel Ruiz.

We have been looking for a puppy lately, for Baylee to have a little sibling. We saw this Boxer on KSL.com and fell in love. We decided to take a little drive all the way out to Tooele to get him. My goodness was he to die for. We literally talked about it for a minute and told the owner we wanted him.

Once we got him home, Baylee and him did NOT get along at all. Baylee would bark at him and nip at him constantly. We were scared that they wouldn’t ever get along. The next day, after much needed sleep, they both got along fine. Every once in a while, they bicker; however, they cuddle constantly.

He was born 08/11/2010 so he is about 18 weeks. He is a Brindle Boxer and is full of puppy energy. He is THEEEEE best puppy ever. He has only had a few accidents; however, he listens very well. He already responds to his name and knows how to sit.

We are so very excited. Our family is complete.

Justin+Joleen+Baylee+Diezel=Love ;D

Love=Us

It has been some time....

I am still alive. Barely breathing, but still alive. I really hate everything right now. We have recently moved; however our landlord is a wiener. I can't take the money situation. Without Justin having a job, has really made my life a living hell. The only thing that is really keeping me going is Justin being my rock, and Baylee being there to snuggle with me.

I miss freedom. I miss being able to go shopping. I really hate how not having money really takes over your life. There is a certain point where you don't have money to do things you want. But when you don't have money to pay your bills? Ugh....

Hopefully my next post is more happy. :(

My Sister Shawndra

I would like to take a minute to tell my sister HAPPY BIRTHDAY. She is such an amazing person, and I really love her so much. When I was younger we shared a room with eachother. She really is my second mom. She was constantly taking care of me. When I was younger she would call me Beena. I loved that name and eventually was called it by everyone. 

She is such a awesome mother. She has 4 children of her own, and 3 step children. She really is all about putting those kids first. She is constantly making sure that they are completly taken care of and okay. She deserves the world and I wish she knew this. 

Anyways, Happy Birthday, Jane. I love you and hope your day is soooo amazing. Please treat yourself to something that YOU want to do.

Photos For 31 Days

So, I read on another blog of taking a photo of something each day, and posting it. You have to do this for 31 days! :D So here is my first photo.........

I decided to take a photo of my desk at work. I did this because this is where I spend 8 hours a day, 40 hours a week at. I love my desk... it is my "safe zone". I love being able to listen to music while getting my work done. I also sit next to two pretty awesome people. Brianna who is my lead... and Brit who is my bestie. I love my job and I love going to work everyday! :D There you go! Here is Day 1!

Can I tell you that I am NOT a fan of Mondays. :(

I hate them so much. I hate getting up in the morning after a weekend full of sleeping in. Waking up when you want to with your husband holding you. Instead you wake up to an annoying ass alarm. You keep thinking in you head that maybe if you close your eyes and open them again, it will be Saturday. 

Ugh. Eff you Monday. I hate you soooo much! ;D

Money Honey....$$

Why is money so important. I wish it never existed. I wish we all got paid the same amount so we are all equal. I hate how it is needed to do anything in life.
Right now my husband and I are “okay” with our money. I hate that I get scared when we have to resort to turning in our change jar for some extra cash. Why is it that I feel safe when I have money. Why does it mean so much to people?
It is also crazy that money has so much effect on people that it leads to divorce. I can totally understand why it has this affect on people. Justin and I have argued about money… just like any other couple. It is harsh. You start blaming each other and it gets ugly. I am just thankful that him and I have a good communication bond that we are able to talk things out. I am happy that we can always resolve our issues.


I just hope one day I don’t have to stress about money. Be able to just carry on in life without worrying about bills.


I am sureeee glad I am in school. At least I am heading in the right direction. :D

Baby Bugged!

So, I had a friend text me this morning that she was pregnant. As much as I am excited for her.... I am honestly not. She was stating how she wasn't trying and was really pissed off at first. I don't understand why god gives people babies that don't even want them. Why is it that I have to try so freaking hard to have a kid. I have prayed and prayed about having a child. I don't get it. I know everything happens for a reason, however it just makes me angry and even questions my faith. It makes me even more angry that people who are 16 have babies left a right. Women who don't even want them! It makes me want to punch those mothers in the face.

Every time someone has a baby, or is pregnant that I know, I lie to them telling them I am happy for them. Deep down inside I am just jealous and angry. I hate that I feel this way. I hate that I cannot get pregnant. Why me? Why can I not be blessed with ONE baby.

Today is just one of those days. I am pissed of and sad at the same time. What do I do? How do I not feel this way? Why am I so sad over it all? 

I don't think I will be truly happy for anyone that is pregnant, until I have my own baby. Oh my goodness that will be the day. That baby does not even know what is coming! :D

School, Love, Life.

Wow, I told myself that I would be posting more often, however my life is just so exciting that I don't have time to write anything!

Right now, my life is fully consisting of waking up, going to work, coming home, doing school, going to bed, and then I start all over again the next day. I feel like everything is going by way too fast and I cannot get a grasp on anything.

Recently it was our 1 year marriage anniversary. OH my gosh was it amazing. My amazing husband had this whole entire thing planned out. On Sunday morning which was the 18th, he gave me his phone and it said that we had a reservation at Hotel Park City. We headed on up to Park City and we were sent to our room. Holy shizzzzz. This room was emasculate It had a huge living room, huge bedroom, kitchen, washer & dryer, a ginormous bathroom with a rainfall shower and jetted tub. The best thing of all was the personal hot tub on the deck that looked over a lake. I cannot express to you how amazing it was. Than Justin put in our wedding CD with the song we danced to playing. I just started crying. He really knows how to make things perfect.

I am so in love with him. I always ask myself why I was so lucky. I am sure he asks himself the same thing. He is just a good person, inside and out. .

On another note, school is going well. I am learning so much. Everyday is a challenge and that is the way I like it. It makes me feel like I have some sort of purpose. I really enjoy learning and cannot wait to graduate and get my life started. :D

Well that is really it for now. Will post more soon!

The Second Night We Hung Out! :D

Crazy how time flies, but this is the second time Justin and I hung out! :D So cute huh?! 

My Valentine

Because it was Valentine's day, I wanted to do a little tribute to MY valentine. :D

My lovely Valentine, is Justin Wayne Ruiz. 

He is 6'6, Brown hair, blue/grey eyes. 

Things that make him perfect in my eyes: 

His laugh. It is my favorite when he is watching T.V, and I can hear it in the other room. 

When he smiles at me. 

The way he loves his mother. 

The way he loves his family. 

His constant nag to get me to not gossip. 

When he cleans the house. 

When he does laundry. 

They way he acts with our puppy, Baylee. ( it is adorable) 

When he kisses me goodnight. It is never enough, I always want more. 

When he holds me until I fall asleep, and kisses my shoulder before he lets go. 

When he texts me every morning to tell me to have a good day. 

When he texts me in general. 

The butterfiles he gives me. 

When he calls me for no reason, just to say hello. 

That he has to have a "crotch" pillow, and a fan to sleep. 

The way he smells after he showers. 

The way he smells when he gets home from work. 

He is constantly looking out for me, making sure I am okay. 

Him being protective of me. 

The shows he watches. 

The way he holds my hand. 

Oh, I could go on and on. He is such an amazing person and I feel as if people should feel lucky to know him. 

:D I love you baby! Forever, and always! :D 

Updates galore.

I told my self at the beginning of the year that I would post at least once a week. Do you see how well that happened? I was thinking to myself the other day " I need to get on and post something"....But the more I thought about it..... I had nothing to blog about.

I was talking to my friends and work, thinking how boring my life is. Saying that "nothing exciting never happens". But, recently I have come to realize that EVERYDAY is exciting. Everyday is a gift.

I have to really sit back and realize how many blessings I have. Every day I wake up to a beautiful life, breathing. I really need to take a step back and realize how much god has given to me.

Recently, I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with PCOS.Which is poly cystic ovary syndrome. I cannot tell you how bad I hate this disease. First when he told me I had it, I cried. Why? Because it is very, very hard to have kids with this disease. What is does is lowers your estrogen levels which makes it very hard to be fertile. Yeah, I was very angry. At first I was thinking to myself, "what would I do with myself if I couldn't have children". Oh goodness, that made me even more angry. Let's just put it this way... I was put here on earth, to find my husband and make beautiful children. TO make a beautiful family. I cannot think or imagine what my life would be with out children!

Well, the doctor gave me this prescription that is supposed to increase my estrogen levels, and make me fertile. It has been one month since I have been on it, and Justin and I have decided to "try" and have kids. We have actually been trying for quite sometime now, but because of this stupid disease..... Ugh.

So, wish me luck. Once I am able to see my child in my arms, I will be thankful for this disease. Only because it made me stronger. But for now... I still hate it.

It also gives me horrible pains. From what I was told, cysts form on every girls ovaries, however they are small. Cysts are formed on my ovaries, and they grow really big, until they burst. Holy Jesus... they hurt.

Anyways, to sum up my blog today, I may sound a little negative. But, I really hope things start happening soon for me and Justin. I want to be able to have a beautiful baby to blog about. I cannot wait to become a mother! :D And I am pretty sure Justin cannot wait to become a father.

Until then, we have Baylee bug. Ohhhh how I love her! :D

Baylee Bug Ruiz

I thought I would share about our newest addition. :D Justin's parents gave her to me for a Christmas present. Right now she is 11 weeks old today.

She is just learning to potty train. Because we live on the 3rd floor of our apartment, we have been puppy pad training her. OH has it been hard. She is learning, however very slowly.

She is so outgoing and playful. She loves to play like crazy. You know when she is going to crash hard though, because right before she bolts around the house. It is so funny.

She loves her kennel. It is like her own little domain. Whenever it gets quiet, we say... "where is Baylee?". We look, and she is in her little kennel.

We learned though at Christmas, that she does NOT like wrapping paper. She also does not like the vaccuum.

We are so excited to raise her and see her grow. :D I love her so much already!

Chili Much?

So, today I did something I have never done before.

TRIED WENDYS CHILI. 

I was told they are infamous for it! However, never have I took the plunge to try it!

The result was amazing! :D Really good in fact! I will probably get it again! :D

I thought I would share my story.

Christmas 2009

WOW. What a great Christmas this year was. This Christmas was our second one that we have spent alone at our home, however the first one as a married couple. I love waking up with just him and I, on our own time.

This year, he was the one to wake up first. He was actually skipping around the house trying to wake me up!

We opened up the gifts we had for each other. I got a nice digital camera, and a Wii. Justin got clothes, a Carhartt coat, a router and x box live membership for a year. Oh, he also got a hat.

After we were done there, we went to Justin's parents house. They gave Justin a nice Craftsman tool set. VERY nice. We got slippers, bath items and other little things.

Justins parents also got our new family member for me, for Christmas. Baylee Ruiz. Our little blond Shih Tzu. She is such a cute dog. She is so much fun.:D

After that we went to my parents. This year I think things actually hit me with them. My parents have never been well off. Ever since we were little, they struggled to get us anything for Christmas. I have always been greatful, however never really got it. This year, I got it. All I really wanted from them, is to spend time... and eat Joe McMuffins. OH MY GAH..... Joe McMuffins are the best.

They got us a gift certificate to Smiths (which is awesome). And they also got us a new Brita water filter for our fridge. The water tastes amazing! :D

After my parents house, we went to Justin's Gram's house. She gave us a few items and some cash money, which is always helpful. All we really wanted was Grams Gravy. She makes theee best sausage gravy in the world!

This year I was happy about the stuff I received... but I was more excited for the things I gave. I hope every gift I gave this year, brings happiness to each family member!

Justin's birthday was on the 26th. He turned 27! He received boots from his parents. I got him the x box live membership, however just gave it to him a day early. :). All of my family, and his family went out to eat at the Golden Corral. It was a lot of fun! 

That is our Christmas holiday summed up. I cannot wait for New Years. Not really sure what we are doing yet, however I am excited for it all! :D 

WOW! SO much has happened!

Alot has happened. I have had our Wedding. It was perfect. I didn't ever want it to end. Everything about it, went just as I wanted it to! :D
For our honeymoon we went to Las Vegas! SO much fun! I cannot tell you how fun it was to just be away from everything!
Right now life is really good as newlyweds. We are actually trying for a baby. I will keep everyone updated on that! :D